Keep Holding On
by annieapple24
Summary: Draco can't do what Voldemort has assigned him to do and is thinking about ending it all. Hermione catches him in the act and tries to help. Warnings for mentions of suicide, cutting, possible triggers. No flames please!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Kind of just randomly had a good idea for a story while watching the sixth movie and had to write it down. Now it's here for everyone to see. Hope you enjoy. WARNINGS for mentions of suicide, cutting, possible triggers. i'm going to try and make this more than a one-shot, but for now that's what it shall be.

* * *

Draco paced back and forth in front of the mirrors in the girl's bathroom. Anyone passing the door could hear him muttering the words 'What am I going to do?' over and over again until the words made no sense.

Draco's mind was a complete blur, no thought staying in one spot, no idea understandable. He was close to tears, digging his short fingernails into his palms. Myrtle wasn't there, which he couldn't decide whether that was good or bad. She was the only one he had ever told about his mission, both good and bad.

Finally he couldn't stand to take another step. He collapsed against the nearest wall, not even attempting to stay upright.

He didn't mean to hurt anybody. He clearly wasn't cut out for this mission. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. Now Katie was hurt, Weasley was hurt (not that he cared). No he did care. Not for the Weasel, but the fact that Slughorn could've given that drink to anybody. ANYBODY.

He felt his gut clench and almost gagged. He stood and walked to a sink, just in case.

Why did this happen to him? He couldn't do this. How could he kill Dumbledore?

He was suddenly angry. Angry at his father. Angry at his whole pureblood family. Angry at V... the Dark Lord. Just so angry.

"Damn it!" His fist smashed the mirror over the sink, shattering the glass. And his fist.

"Fuck!" He cradled his hand, drawing his wand, healing it with a wave. He moved to repair the mirror, but his eye was caught by a shard lying in the sink.

You could see how razor sharp it was. It was large enough to fit in Draco's hand perfectly.

'I could end it all right now,' He thought. 'It would be so easy, so quick. And it would all be over.'

* * *

Meanwhile, Hermione was pacing the Gryffindor common room trying to ignore Harry and Ron. They were reading the stupid book yet again.

She sat down in a plushy armchair and opened her arithmancy textbook and set about working out some of the sample questions in the next chapter.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Harry check behind his shoulder to confirm they were alone and pull out his map. He spoke the incantation and spent a few minutes searching through the map, earning a wary look from Ron.

Suddenly Harry jumped up and said "Hey, I'm going for a walk. I'll be back later."

"Harry!" Hermione shouted, stopping him in his tracks. "You can't keep stalking Malfoy. You are just going to get yourself into trouble."

"'Mione, you won't believe he's a deatheater without proof, so that's what I'm doing, getting proof!"

"You are never going to get it if you keep doing this. Look Harry, You can't devote your every waking hour to trying to catch Malfoy in the act. It's creepy. I know you feel the need to be the hero in every aspect of life, and not just your life, but you need to let go sometimes, let someone else do the work."

"Fine, I'll send Ron to find out what he's doing!" Harry forced himself not to shout at his best friend.

"Sorry mate, I'm not so sure I wanna do that." Ron muttered, busying himself with a pile of chocolate frog cards.

Letting out a sigh of frustration Hermione whispered "Where is he, Harry?"

"Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. He goes there alot, but Myrtle is in the Prefect's bathroom right now."

"Give me your cloak. I can go there and back in half an hour. And if I don't find anything, if he's just sitting there trying to get away from everybody else, minding his own business, you will leave him alone for the rest of the year. Deal?"

"Deal," Hary said smiling. He pulled his cloak out of his bag where it was waiting ready for action.

As he gave her the cloak, he pulled her into a hug. "Thanks," He whispered.

"Only for you," she told her best friend.

She spun and walked out of the common room, donning the cloak the moment the door closed. She would look in on Malfoy for a few second, and then look at that book in the restricted section Mcgonagall refuse to write her a slip to see.

* * *

She hurried down the stairs, taking a short cut that took her just a few feet short of the bathroom.

Draco hesitantly picked up the mirror shard. He put his finger to the tip, which cut the skin like butter, a drop of blood sliding down. He then placed the glass to his wrist.

The panick overtook him like a tidal wave. He was scared, but also curiously intrigued about what lay on the other side.

He was unable to fight back the sobs anymore. The tears leaked down his cheeks. He cried for a bit before he realized he had relaxed his arm.

He again raised the glass to his wrist when he heard a gasp from behind. He spun around, dropping the glass. It shattered like the mirror. There was nothing. 'Shit.'

"Potter! Won't you leave me alone?" Draco shouted, furiously rubbing his eyes, trying to remove all evidence of his tears knowing it was futile.

The air shimmered in front of the door, and a mess of brown hair was revealed.

"Malfoy?" She was staring at his wrist and the blood still covering his finger.

"What are you doing here Granger?" He muttered.

She just stood and stared.

"If it's not Potter, it's one of his little friends. I never have a second of peace." His voice started to rise. "What do I have to do to get a little privacy? Don't you people have anything better to do?"

Hermione blinked, but still made no move to talk.

"Just leave me the hell alone! Get out! Get the fuck out of here and leave me the fuck alone!"

This seemed to jolt her. She blinked again and stepped forward. "I can't believe he was right."

Draco looked down in confusion to where she was looking. There, on his forearm, was the dark mark, a line of blood from his finger running across the skull.

He felt sick again, and looked back to Hermione, she made no move to leave, but he pulled out his wand and quickly put a locking charm on the door. 'What the hell am I going to do,' flashed through his head.

Hermione's eyes opened in fear. He locked her in. Was he going to hurt her? The proof of him being a deatheater was right in front of her, but her brain still couldn't imagine him hurting her.

"You... you can't tell anyone. Please." He stammered. He pulled down his shirt sleeves, and tried to sort out what was going on in his head. 'Now she knows. I can't kill her. No. But she can't know either. I'll be sent to Azkaban, and He would... He would kill me a million times. After torturing me a million times more...'

Draco's head was about to explode. He couldn't think right. His mind refused to cooperate. All he knew was his death was imminent. He couldn't do a thing to stop it.

That thought was the breaking point. He spun around and collapsed against the same wall and sobbed. Not caring if the mudblood was watching. Not caring if she invited the entire Gryffindor house to watch. He was going to die, and he was so scared.

He felt something touch his shoulder, and nearly jumped out of his skin. There she was, kneeling next to him, her hand outstretched to where it previously had been on his shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay. I don't know what's wrong, but I'm sure I can help. Do you want to tell me?"

Draco's jaw dropped in surprise. But what surprised him even more was when he nodded and took a deep breath.

* * *

A/N: I think I would like at least one review before writing another chapter. Correct spelling, grammar, idc :) Love you all!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: It's finally Christmas Break and I'm forcing myself to sit down and write at least a chapter. I'm so happy so many people said they wanted this continued and I'm sorry it took this long :)

* * *

It only took about five minutes to explain everything to Hermione, but it felt like a lifetime to Draco. She never interuppted.

"Draco, you need to talk to Dumbledore." Hermione whispered, touching his shoulder again.

"No! If V... The Dark Lord every found out I-"

"Shush, he can help. You Know Who hasn't attacked Hogwarts yet for a reason. And the reason is Dumbledore. He's done incredible things, and protecting you and your family would be a piece of cake for him I'm sure."

"Cake?" _Must be a muggle expression. _"Whatever, it doesn't matter. Father would never agree." Draco knew even if Granger could convince him, no one would ever convince Lucius to turn against You Know Who.

"Well, that's something Dumbledore could help you figure out."

"It will never happen. Father is terrified of the Dark Lord, but even if he wasn't, he would never ask for help, especially from someone like Dumbledore."

Hermione paused for a moment. "What is important right now is: will you ask for help from someone like Dumbledore?"

Draco turned away as more tears fell down his face. "Gra-Hermione... I don't know."

Hermione hated trying to comfort others. She usually ended up crying harder than the person who was sad, and she didn't often actually help. She could already feel the tears building in her eyes and worry in her stomach that she couldn't help Draco.

"Think of it this way. You already told me, and I can easily go and tell Dumbledore myself."

She recieved an icy look from Draco, and she felt his arm searching for his wand.

"Draco, you know I won't, because he needs you to tell him. He needs to know you are willing to get help. It's just like getting over heroin, first you have to admit you have a problem."

"Granger, let me give you some advice. Stop trying to comfort a death eater using muggle expressions." He raised her eyebrows at her obliviousness.

Her eyes widended a moment before she started to giggle.

"I'm sorry, I know better than that. It's just hard to keep the two worlds separate."

"Do you like it in the muggle world?" Draco asked. He'd never had the opporutunity or the desire to know anything about muggles, but now he was beyond caring. Maybe there was something to learn there.

"Sometimes. There isn't much difference really. Different food, different expressions, and a little extra work. But it can be a welcome reprieve from this world."

Draco nodded. "Will you come with me? To tell Dumbledore?"

Hermione's eyes lit up. She actually convinced him! "Of course!"

* * *

A/N: If I continue this story, it will most likely be Draco and Hemione's experiences after he goes into hiding or something. It will probably be longer, and it obviously takes me awhile to update. Tell me if you think I should continue, or leave it as a happy, he's-probably-gonna-be-all-better ending?


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So I'm having troubles finishing this story because for it to be any longer, it would have to be really very way much longer. And I don't usually write long stories. But here is my attempt, and maybe it will help me grow as a writer.

So since Snape hasn't killed Dumbledore yet, Grimmauld Place is still being used as headquarters for the Order.

* * *

Draco sat on his lumpy mattress and stared around his new room. It wasn't at all like his old room at Malfoy Manor. There, his bed was custom made for him and had Italian silk sheets and two plump pillows filled with hippogriff feathers, enchanted to stay cool when he was hot, and warm when he was cold. His room at the manor was painted in silvers, greens, and blacks. His king-sized canopy bed matched, and carved in the headboards that woke him up in the morning by roaring.

His new room was whit and blue, with a matching, twin-sized lump of a bed. The sheets were scratchy and there was only one flat pillow.

Draco could not be more thankful.

His new room was in the house of 12 Grimmauld Place, owned by non other than Harry Potter.

Draco almost felt safe in this place. Almost. Potter still hated him. Weasley still hated him. No amount of lecturing from Hermione could make them trust him. But Hermione told him that they didn't trust Snape either.

Snape. That was a surprise. After his offering to help with the task assigned by the dark lord, it was odd to think he was a double agent. He didn't blame Potter for not trusting him; he was very convincing. But he seemed genuinely happy to see Draco walk through the door.

Dumbledore had listened to him when Hermione led Draco into his office. Not sure what to expect, Draco was surprised when he agreed to help him and his family escape.

A brilliant scheme was quickly thought up. The Malfoys were called to the school under the ruse that Draco had been injured in a fight and was in the hospital wing.

They discussed Draco's wishes to escape. Narcissa glanced at Lucius once before agreeing to anything as long as Draco was safe.

Lucius was supportive, but discussed details with Dumbledore about where they would hide and how to keep them safe.

They were transported to an empty muggle home and placed a Fidelus charm in which Dumbledore was the secret keeper. He only divulged the secret to Draco, and three other trusted order members: Molly Weasley, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and Daedalus Diggle (A/N: Did I get that name right?)

Draco was sent to Grimmauld Place so that there could always be an Order member to look after him.

A sudden knock at the door shook Draco from his thoughts.

The door opened to reveal Molly Weasley carrying a tray of food. "Hello, dear. How are you feeling?" She asked, setting the tray on the table next to the bed.

"I'm feeling okay, but I'm a little bored." No, not bored, just in need of a distraction from his thoughts.

"You know dear, you are allowed to come downstairs whenever you like." She said while straightening his tiny room.

Draco found it very uncomfortable to be surrounded by his once-enemies downstairs. For now, he would choose boredom.

"By the way, Dumbledore will be here tonight for the meeting, along with Severus, in case you would like to sit in." She invited him as she picked up the pile of books he had thrown on the floor when they failed to distract him.

The kind women left after he thanked her, closing the door behind her.

Draco appreciated how nicely the woman treated him after all the years is father had ridiculed her husband and her family. And Draco was sure she would have heard from Ron what an awful brat he was in school, yet she still treated him like any other kid.

Draco reached for the food and contemplated his own mother. Narcissa loved him, but was unable to show her affections due to her upbringing and Lucius watching over like a cruel hawk. She would never show this much compassion toward her own son, let alone a Weasley.

He knew he had always felt a pang of jealousy whenever he saw the Weasleys sitting together, laughing like a true family. As a child, he had always wished for a brother to play with instead of sitting alone at the manor.

He sighed and started to eating, knowing he needed to gain back the weight he had lost this past year. Ever since the Dark Lord had moved into his house, he hadn't eaten a full meal.

He briefly wondered when he started caring about how much he ate. He was still stressed and slept restlessly. Nothing had changed except for his eating habits and a new house.

'And Hermione,' he thought.

True, Hermione was a new feature in his life. He received an owl almost every day with a note from her informing him of what he was missing at Hogwarts. He always wrote her back with a short description of what she had missed at the house. Which wasn't much since he never left his room.

He wiped his mouth and pushed his tray back. He needed to start thinking of what he would say to Dumbledore.

Draco sat at the table among the Order of the Phoenix looking rather uncomfortable. He didn't know why he was being included in the meeting, but he decided to come anyway.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "You-Know-Who is planning to attack Hogwarts very soon. We need to be ready for a fight at a moment's notice. He will be very angry right now about the loss of the Malfoy family. Other Death Eaters may be considering leaving because the Malfoys are still alive. We may have more refugees to shelter, but every one to escape weakens his army.

"I don't want to evacuate the school, but it might be the only way to prevent an attack. Draco and Severus have informed me that in the school is a vanishing cabinet. Draco had just succeeded in fixing in before we took him in. I need someone to research how to destroy this cabinet."

Draco raised his hand in offering, but Dumbledore shook his head.

"You do not have access to the information you would need here. Tonks. You can do it."

Tonks merely nodded and looked back down at the table.

"You must hurry. As long as it is open, Hogwarts is vulnerable to attack and the students in danger."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: And now continuing… Are you excited? I know I shouldn't be on the ege of my seat for reviews because I waited too long before continuing and now I must be patient. But I feel like it usually happens faster than this. O well I'm posting another chapter, and might have the next up before the week is out. Probably not, but I might.

* * *

'_Dear Draco,_

_Today in Potions class you missed Theodore Nott spilling putrid crocodile tongues on Snape. Harry and Ron could not stop laughing, so I assumed you would find it hilarious. Snape gave him detention for a week._

_I still would like to offer to tutor you on everything you are missing in your classes. All of our classes are the same. I couldn't stand it if your education was affected by this. You are very intelligent, and it would be a waste for you to suffer educationally for something that was never your fault._

_In other news, my parents are very interested in your situation, and offered to let you stay awhile, to learn about the muggle world, once this is all over. I think it would be great, if you are interested that is. I'll take you out to eat muggle food and see a movie. I never have convinced Ron to come, so if you came, I would make it extra spectacular for you, just so he can see what he's missing. _

_I'll try to send you some books soon, and maybe I can sneak in a muggle book to see if you can tell the difference other than the lack of magic._

_I hope you stay well, and enjoy your self. Just think of it as early summer break._

_Hope to see you soon, Hermione.'_

Draco smiled many times as he read the letter. She always seemed to be insisting on him trying muggle things. He laughed at her description of potions class. When he read about Weasley refusing to visit her muggle house, he paused. She would obviously be using him to make Ron jealous, no matter how genuinely she wanted Draco to visit.

Draco was surprised to feel a bit of jealousy over that. He supposed it was to be expected. Hermione saved him from his old life, and Draco would probably get jealous everytime she mentioned anyone in that way.

He sighed and pulled out a fresh sheet of parchment. He found his inkpot and quill on opposite sides of the room. 'Merlin, I need to keep this place clean.'

Just as he began writing, he heard shouting from downstairs.

He opened his door in time to hear: "…got in too soon. And Dumbledore was gone when it happened."

"Molly, take Draco to stay with his parents and then come help!" He heard a voice command before it disapparated.

After everyone in the house had left Molly and Draco on their own, Molly held out her hand to Draco.

"What's going on?" He asked, stepping quickly downstairs to join her.

"The Death Eaters invaded Hogwarts. The war has started." She said before grabbing his hand and disapparating.

* * *

A/N: Sorry it's so short. More soon I promise.


End file.
